The Diary of A Grimes
by ambrosesdixon
Summary: There was nothing you couldn't lose at result of the outbreak, every single lost triggered pain. But to Mackenzie Grimes there was only one lost that mattered, and that was the absence of her older brother. You couldn't afford to show any vulnerability in this world, so the only way Mackenzie could was with a paper and pen.
1. Entry Number ?

_**"I didn't know you took so many of my people. I'm just wondering, why you haven't taken my life. What the hell am I doing right? What the hell am I doing right?!"**_

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><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_I wish I knew what month and day it was so I could actually keep this damn journal a little more organized, but that was the least of my worries by now. All I know is that it's been months. I'm surprised we've actually been able to stay up here in this site for so long with only a handful of walker attacks. It's a group effort, but honekstly at this point of my life I don't care if a herd of walkers came up here and ripped me apart. I know I shouldn't be saying that, it makes me sound like the most selfish person alive especially since there's people who were ripped apart and would have done anything possible to be in the place I am currently. Also, I guess I do have a reason to stay in this hellhole of a world. Carl, my nephew. He's lost enough, and we both share the biggest lost of them all._

_I'd like to believe my brother is still alive. That somehow he woke up from the coma and is still in search for us. Lori, Carl, and I. But now in days, if I even mention Rick's name with an ounce of hope attached to it all I gain is numerous pitiful looks from the batch of people stationed at the site. Well, what's left. Almost half of the batch left to the city, and haven't returned. Boo hoo. I hadn't connected with anybody from this campsite enough for me to pull out a rosary and pray for their safety. You'd think being stuck at a campsite with 'survivors' you would all be one big happy family. I could see majority of the members tried so, mostly Lori, Amy, Carol, Jacqui, Dale, hell even somewhat Shane. It seemed as if I was the only person who looked past the act and rejected it all._

_Well, so did the Dixon brothers._

_Yes, they're a pair of redneck assholes. But they're not stupid, much less soft. Merle was the one who worried me the most. I know I'm not the only one who expects this guy to stab us in the back any second and take everything in the camp, but I'm the only one who has the courage to throw it all back at Merle Dixon's face. It earned me a few threats at first from the oldest Dixon, but later on it seemed as if it earned me an ounce of respect. Not pity._

_Then there's the youngest Dixon. Daryl Dixon. I get the feeling most of the camp try to be more preserved from him than Merle, mainly because he sends that gruesome vibe to everyone. I did to when I first laid eyes on the younger Dixon, but that's when I was still little hopeful Mackenzie. I've grown out of it, I had to. Seems like no one understands that, except good old Daryl._

_When I tried with all my efforts to convince Lori and Shane into letting me at least do something else that doesn't include washing laundry for the campsite, I always got shot down. According to Shane, I am a young woman who had no business getting her hands dirty. In other words, I'm a woman and all I should be doing is washing laundry and watching over the little ones._

_Of course, I wasn't going to go ahead and listen to Shane. But it seemed as if everyone thought the same as Shane, so no one was going to give me the opportunity._

_Except Daryl._

_It all started with me finding some of his spare arrows on the floor, him accusing me of stealing them, and Daryl challenging me to show my 'skills' with his crossbow. I had never touched a damn crossbow in my life, but I wasn't about to let Daryl have the last laugh in this. Surprisingly, I actually made a pretty good hit to a deer the Dixon brother had been eyeing for a while now. Long story short, Daryl questioned why the hell I was washing clothes instead of going out in the woods and hunting for food, I told him that deputy Shane Walsh totally shut down the idea. Daryl then took me on a two day-ish hunt right after. Safe to say Lori and Shane gave the lecture of a lifetime when I came back, ending with Daryl stating the obvious that I'm a 26 year old woman who can take care of herself._

_See why I can't live here anymore?_

_I'm Mackenzie Grimes, who had no desire to live even before the outbreak. But despite it all, I still believe Rick's out there. I'll keep saying it, even if all I gain is pity._

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><p>"Jesus, Amy, do you even have an idea on how to control this?" Mackenzie erupted at the young blonde, earning her a glare from Dale. "Oh, and you do? You try it."<p>

"Don't mind if I do." Amy distanced herself from the radio, allowing Mackenzie to take control. "Perks of being a sheriff deputy's little sister."

"Pretty sure he also taught you some manners. Apologize Mackenzie." Despite Shane's demand, Mackenzie focused her sight and hearing on the person trying to communicate with the group. _I'm not a damn child._

"Again, can you hear my voice?" As the voice was heard from the CB, Mackenzie almost chocked on her own salvia. Even though the signal wasn't the greatest up here, she could swear she's heard the male voice before.

Pressing slowly on the button she remembered Rick telling her was the only one she could be heard, Mackenzie tried to maintain the stability in her voice. "Yes." It was the only thing Mackenzie could let out into the microphone. Feeling the eyes of all the camp members burning through the back of her head, she cleared her voice.

"I can hear you. You're coming through. Over," the younger Grimes called to the other person but he didn't seem to hear her, only worrying the brunette even more.

"Anybody who reads, please respond. Broadcasting on emergency channel. We'll be approaching Atlanta on Highway 85. If anybody reads, please respond." It seemed as if the rest of the camp members realized the situation was overcoming Mackenzie, as it became obvious the communication attempt wasn't going to succeed. Before Mackenzie was able to attempt another time, Shane snatched the microphone from the Grimes sister while Dale approached her.

"He's gone. It's no use." Mackenzie ignored Shane's conclusion, as the male voice that escaped the CB radio kept replaying in her mind like a scratched DVD. She wanted to rip her hair off, slaughter walkers at that very moment to release all this frustration in her at that very moment.

Once Dale laid his palm on top of Mackenzie's shaking shoulder, she immediately jerked away with a look of anger mixed with sadness. "No! You have to keep trying! Shane do something useful for once!" Her piercing retorts towards the former deputy was enough to get the attention of the remaining survivors, half of them racing to get a hold of Mackenzie, who was ready to jump at Walsh.

"Mackenzie it's not use! You heard him yourself, he can't hear a word we say. Stop torturing yourself. You don't know him."

"It was Rick! I swear to god it was him. I know that voice, I've heard it for the past 26 years of my life." Mackenzie could hear the loud sighs escape from all of the members once the name of her brother escaped her lips.

"Mack-"

"Shut up Lori, I don't need to hear it. Same to all of you. I know it was Rick, I don't need none of ya' to believe me." The Grimes sister struggled from the numerous grips on her, giving them all a death glare before walking off to her tent.

Mackenzie had initially refused to step foot into Dale's RV. She didn't want to depend on anything from either one of these people anymore. She wasn't even sure if she was grateful for being a _survivor _anymore. Mackenzie wanted to be. She wanted to see Shane with appreciative lens for saving her family that one day, he was the reason they were still together now. But now, Mackenzie just felt like an underestimated being who was treated like a child by the former deputy.

And Lori? Mackenzie will always respect the woman due to two sole reasons. Being her brother's wife and the mother of her nephew. But Mackenzie could never feel the same connection she once did to Lori. Not after what she's done with Shane.

Mackenzie had solely decided not to confront neither one of the duo. Not for them, but for Carl. Her nephew loved Shane, she wasn't so heartless to crush Carl's heart even more than it already was.

The sound of incoming footsteps put Mackenzie's thoughts on halt, her first action being to grab a hold of very own crossbow. It belonged to Merle Dixon, but after a confrontation with the oldest Dixon, according to Merle it was her prize for finally earning his respect. _I didn't have the need for your respect Merle, but thanks for the crossbow. _

_"_Who's there?" Sitting up from her bed, Mackenzie was ready to take down whatever it was. _If it was Lori or Carl they would've called out, so it's definitely none of the above. _

When whatever it was didn't call back, Mackenzie held the crossbow up high. When the curtain of her tent was pulled open, Mackenzie almost chocked when she saw who it was as result of her shock flew the arrow right past the figure.

"Jesus, girl! Told Merle he shouldn't have gave ya the damn crossbow before I trained ya a little more. Step one, don't shoot before knowing exactly what the hell is the threat. Almost killed me." Mackenzie almost wished she would've landed the arrow on Daryl as revenge for scaring the hell out of her. "You could've called back ya know."

"Didn't think it was necessary. Plus, didn't wanna risk you not wanting to see me after that whole fiasco earlier over a voice." Daryl made sure not to lose the sarcasm in his voice, especially when it reached the last words of his sentence. Mackenzie knew the Dixon brother's company didn't have a warm motive, so she decided to jump the argument. Knowing it could end up with arrows up both their asses.

"Is this the purpose of your visit? If it is you can get going now. Asshole." Mackenzie flipped her body to the other side of her bed, refusing to take another one of Daryl's somewhat lecture. Waiting to hear the curtain of her tent move, all she heard was the moving sound of her crossbow and the feeling of an arrow poking her back.

"Daryl! What-" Mackenzie put a stop to her oncoming retort when her sight landed on Daryl reloading her bag with new arrows. She only had three originally. "What's that for?"

"Well you need a little more for this hunting trip. Our target is once again a deer." Mackenzie tried to gather up everything that was coming out of Daryl's mouth. He'd usually go on his own way if not with Merle, while she'd usually go on hunting trips alone.

"Since when are we hunting buddies?"

"Since you almost shot my eye out with that arrow. You could use a little practice anyways." It became obvious that it wasn't a proposal, it was more like 'you don't have a choice anyways so suck it up' to Mackenzie.

With Daryl carrying both crossbows out, Mackenzie still hadn't moved from her position on her bed, triggering an annoyed look from Daryl.

"Shouldn't I let Lori and Carl know I'm going on a hunt?" Daryl let a combination of a scoff and a laugh at Mackenzie's question. "I don't think they'd really care after that little fiasco little Grimes."

Mackenzie glared at the Dixon brother, before accepting his statement and finally cracking a move and followed the youngest Dixon. Not before snatching her journal, hiding it inside her rag shoulder bag.

She could need the practice.

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><p><strong><em>This was way longer than I wanted it to be. But I kinda wanted to also let you guys see Mackenzie's attitude and being played out besides the way she writes in her journal. But throughout he story you will see the way she was before the outbreak, before Rick was shot.<em>**

**_Thinking about adding flashbacks of her interactions with Merle and Daryl either on her journal entries or just in the story in journal. Only if you wanna know about them, let me know! Flashbacks about Rick is a for sure thing. Tell me what other characters you'd like to see Mackenzie have with. _**

**_Soooo, it being my first Walking Dead fanfic I would love and appreciate the feedback. I actually need it. With it being an OC story and all. So thank you (: _**

**_Last but not least, Mackenzie is portrayed by the amazing Ksenia Solo. _**

**_Thanks and hopefully see you soon for the next chapter._**


	2. Entry Number Two: Resentment

_**"**_**_When she was just a girl she expected the world b_****_ut it flew away from her reach and the bullets catch in her teeth."_**

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><p><em>Dear Diary, <em>

_So far in this amazing hunting trip with Daryl, hence the sarcasm in 'amazing', I haven't been able to actually even shoot an arrow. This is due to the fact Mr. Dixon loves to take all the gold first, shooting an arrow to every squirrel that passes by us. I haven't complained about it to Daryl for two sole reasons. Number one being he'd probably leave me behind. Second, while he's stringing the dead squirrels to be able to carry them I'm able to sit down and write in my journal. Win Win situation._

_Despite my growing resentment towards Lori and Shane, I can't help but flinch at the thought of the numerous retorts and insults that will be thrown in my face from them in a form of a supposed lecture. I say supposed because I don't think a twenty-six year old woman needs a lecture from her sister-in-law and her brother's best friend. It astonishes me actually, how Shane turns into a completely different person just to get in Lori's good side. Shane has known me for countless years, he saw her grow up from an adolescent, to a young adult, and to the woman I am today. He was at my high school graduation, my university graduation, even my damn law school graduation. He knows I'm strong, that I'm not stupid. I know Lori does as well, but Shane knows it just as much as Rick did. I'm smart and I know how to take care of myself. If before perhaps I didn't really need to since their wasn't walkers at every corner of your eyes I understand why Shane and Lori would worry about me, but now more than ever I must be able to do this on my own. At any moment, we can all be separated. Then what?_

_I remember Rick and Shane themselves told me that in this time of age, a woman should be able to take care of herself and be independent. Sure, that was before the world went to shit, but doesn't it still apply? Now more than ever? I can't save my life or other's sitting down and washing laundry. I add more time to my own life and the rest of the group's when I help bring water and food to the damn table. I don't only do it for them but I also do it for myself. I love the feeling of empowerment that rushes over me when I know the kids get to eat something because of me._

_Believe me, I wouldn'__t have wanted to depend on Daryl for all the lessons on cross-bowing, tracking, and shooting guns. I would have given anything to not have to deal with all the yells and idiotic insults that the redneck asshole told me whenever I messed up in any way possible. But at the end of the day my motivation was to succeed and prove everyone wrong._

_To make Rick proud. Wherever he is._

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><p>"You know we hit the deer we came all the way over here a little while ago, what else are you searching for?" Mackenzie wouldn't admit it, but she was exhausted. The heat didn't help either. It made her feel dizzy and out of place, which triggered her to keep following Daryl despite knowing she could make her own way back to the camp.<p>

"When you say 'we', you mean I hit the deer we came all the way over here for? Get that straight girl. While we out here might as well look for some other food. Jeez, don't ya ever think in that little mind of yours?" If it weren't for the heat sucking every ounce of energy she has in her, Mackenzie would have smacked Daryl for making her out to look and feel stupid. "Please remind me why I even agreed to come in this supposed hunting trip with you?"

Mackenzie's question provoked the youngest Dixon to release a grunt, sucking in the temptation to stop in his tracks and shake some sense into the girl behind his heels. "Maybe cause ya look like a pitiful girl who can't accept the obvious fact that her brother is dead."

"I'm sure if it were Merle you wouldn't let go of any little hope of him not being dead. You aren't that cold Dixon." The brunette could've hit Daryl with a retort that burned just as much as his did about her brother, but she felt like she would feel more victorious if she remained like the bigger person. Mackenzie didn't get a word out of Daryl after this, triggering another ten minute silence. _Maybe this is better than exchanging insults I don't even mean. We could get out of here alive._

Focusing on the trails her combat boots made on the ground, the youngest Grimes barely had time to notice Daryl stopping and stationing himself on a nearby tree trunk. She slowly lifted her gaze, slowly setting it upon Daryl. "Never thought I would see a Dixon actually stop and try to catch a break."

Daryl shot the woman before him an annoyed glare, before moving to the side, seemingly making room for the Grimes sibling to station herself in. "Well, ya just gunna stand there like a stubborn little girl or sit down? I could easily just take up all this space for me." Due to Daryl's inability to not attach an insult with a good dead, it took Mackenzie twice as long to sit beside the youngest Dixon than it should have been.

"I'm just surprised you even made room for me. See, you do got a heart under all the blood and dirt." Mackenzie attached a bitter smile along her sentence to Daryl, who decided to ignore the woman beside him by settling the string of squirrels on the ground next to the duo. "I ain' that rude. Thought we'd spent as much time possible for ya to get that in ya little head. Ya ain' that dumb than what Mr. Deputy and widow make you out to seem." An exhausted Mackenzie didn't know whether to take it as a compliment from Daryl, knowing perhaps he could go two ways with her response.

"The only inaccurate thing you said in that phrase was one thing." As Mackenzie took a drink from her can she always hid in her bag, she could feel Daryl's eyes burn through the side of her face. "Which was what?"

"Widow." She could almost feel Daryl's eyes roll, not even needing to look at him to know it was coming. It was the same reaction she always got when she mentioned her brother perhaps still being alive.

"Ya know, I'm getting real tired of this and you don't even tell me none about ya dead brother. Accept it can't ya? Shane and Lori obviously already have!" Mackenzie didn't dare look up as Daryl bolted from the tree trunk. She didn't have to think twice about what he meant by his last words. "Please don't tell me ya haven't noticed what those two got goin'?"

All Mackenzie could do was lightly laugh. It wasn't a sad, pitiful laugh. Nor was it a happy one. It was just, a laugh.

"Quoting you, I ain' that dumb. 'Course I've noticed it. That don't mean I gotta accept it. They got there own way of doing so and so do I. Now, get off my ass will you?" Daryl couldn't understand much less comprehend the steadiness she held while answering back to him. He couldn't believe he didn't even sense an ounce of anger in her system as she blatantly accepted the fact her sister-in-law and brother's best friend were fooling around like a pair of high schoolers. Daryl hadn't seen this somewhat quality in a woman he had ever met.

"You say it like it don' matter. If ya still think your brother is alive, how can ya just be okay with that girl fooling around with deputy over there?"

"I never said I was okay with it. But I ain't going to touch it. Not for them, not even for my brother. Just for Carl." _There it is. _Daryl could finally sense the resentment in Mackenzie Grimes' voice. He never thought of the girl as the soft type, but everyone has their weakness.

Knowing if he took this conversation in the same direction it would probably result in an arrow up his ass. _Like I say, she ain' the soft type. _

"Why ya so hung up on your brother being alive? Put aside all the jokes and pity." Mackenzie finally looked up at the man before, taking a long hard look at him. She didn't think he would ever show any ounce of interest on her issues with the loss of her brother, so she had to make sure the heat wasn't just making her imagine things.

"Since when do you even care? You can't fool me Dixon." Daryl shot the preserved woman another eye roll, annoyed at her stubbornness. "I never said I did, just curious. Thought you could use an ear nonetheless."

"Oh Dixon. Haven't you heard of what becomes of curious minds?" Daryl comprehended the bittersweetness in her words, but just shook it off. "Worst thing that could happen is if I actually end up caring."

Instead of a death glare, Daryl received a smile from Mackenzie. An actual smile._ Telling ya, she's a weird one._

"And we wouldn't want that happening now, would we?" Not waiting for Daryl to respond, Mackenzie took a deep breath in. "My brother, Rick, he's always been my rock. Ever since I was born. Our parents weren't always there, and also with the gap between Rick and I it was pretty hard to bond with anybody. But he always tried. He never gave up on me. He always told me he believed in me. I owe my whole life and career to him. I was about to get my PhD in law when I got the news he was in a coma. I went to the hospital every single day. Ha, Shane and Lori ended up telling me it was pointless to waste my days next to my brother, that he wasn't gunna wake up. But no, I kept going till the day Shane made me leave with him, Lori, and Carl. And god be with me, even with the damn outbreak I still would have kept going to the hospital. But Shane told me he had went, and that he had never been more sure in his life that Rick was dead. I know that with that I shouldn't even have the hope he's still alive, but I just can't give up on him. He never gave up on me. I owe him." Mackenzie was surprised she was able to contain a single teardrop from falling. Talking about her brother always sprung that hidden, fragile side from her. But she was able to keep hiding it, maybe because she wasn't willing to show it to Daryl Dixon.

All Mackenzie got from Daryl was what seemed like an eternal stare that she hoped wouldn't turn into a pitiful one. "Well once ya put it that way, 'course ya got every reason to wanna believe yer brother is alive. But... ya know if he ain't alive he wouldn't want ya wasting yer life hung up on this." This was the first time someone had ever tried to given Mackenzie advice over her brother since they arrived at the camp refugee. The first time this thought had even popped up into her head. She sure as hell didn't expect it to come from Daryl Dixon.

"But what if he is alive? He wouldn't want me to give up either." All Daryl could do was scoff, he wanted to slap himself for even trying with this girl. Mackenzie noticed the type of reaction she got out of the youngest Dixon, so before he had the chance to burst into one of his infamous arguments, Mackenzie stood up from the trunk she sat in and looked dead into his blue eyes.

"Can we just pretend this conversation never happened? You're not supposed to care, remember?" The brunette knew her words would either create an explosive argument or make the man before her think she ain't worth his words, which Mackenzie wouldn't mind at this point. "So let me be. I don't care if you like it or not." Mackenzie began creating her own path as she parted ways from Daryl, who couldn't this be this way. Couldn't let Mackenzie Grimes walk away with the last word much less laugh.

"Even if he is alive which ya know damn well he ain't, might as well just think he is cause ya ain't ever gunna see him again!" Daryl wanted her to turn around. He wanted her trigger more into the argument so he could let out all of the anger the Grimes sibling provoked inside of him. But all he got was the sound of her footsteps going deeper into muddy ground as she kept walking.

All Mackenzie wanted to do was get away. Get away from Lori. Get away from Shane. Get away from everyone else in the camp.

Get away from Daryl.

But wouldn't be possible, as all her ears could hear was the sound of his footsteps right behind hers.

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><p>Alright! I feel as if this chapter was short... but since the story is based off Mackenzie's diary of course her entries will be half of the chapter. This chapter was KenziDaryl based. The storyline sounds familiar, don't it? (':

Wanted to finish this before tomorrow, since I start school again. Sigh. So I hope you enjoy it! BIG THANKS to the users who faved & followed my story. And my reviewer! You motivated me to keep writing!

Again, I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE SOME FEEDBACK. It really motivates me. Give me your thoughts and want you wanna see more of (: love you guys!


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